I have a lot of guy friends, we hang out almost everyday (go to movies, coffee,come over to my house). They always seem comfortable with me, all the time. Every guy sees me as " cool efe" their real good friend. How do I make them see me differently without changing my personality?

Efe
Orlando, FL

It could be one of two problems. Either the guys you're with can't take you seriously, or they just don't see you as anything more than a friend.

Up until a couple of years ago, I have prided myself on cracking jokes, making a fool of myself, or really doing anything to make people laugh. There's nothing wrong with this, but it got to a point where I didn't know when to be funny and when to be serious. Sometimes if people can't take you seriously, they won't ever see you as anything more than just a friend. This could be your problem although I don't think it is. It could just be that you're a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

When I was a young'n, every time that my family was about to move, I would say the same thing every time. I would talk about how I was never going to have anymore friends, and how could my parents live with themselves if they took me away from all of my friends. There was so much fear in going to a place I knew nothing about and meeting people that I didn't know. I always remember that once I moved to that place and started making friends, It was so exciting! Inevitably there would come a time where I would not try to make new friends because I was happy with the group I had. I would get comfortable and choosing between meeting someone new, or hanging out with someone I knew, I would choose to remain in my comfortable little bubble.

What I'm saying is I don't think your problem is having them see you differently. If you've been hanging out with them for as long as you have, it's not that you made the mistake of having them call you friend. It's just that they may see you as a friend and that's all it will ever be. There's nothing wrong with that. I have a lot of incredible girl friends that I love hanging out with, but I would probably never think about dating.

I believe the right guy, even if he sees you as just "cool Efe," will like you more than just a friend. It sounds like you're doing everything right. The answer isn't to change yourself a bit. Just be yourself, but if the guy God has for you is outside of your tight knit group of friends, you'll have to get out of your comfort zone and meet some new people if you want to meet him.

I've come to figure out that life is not truly as good as it could be unless we are constantly in the state of change. Our lives were not created to stagnate in any area. I believe it's the same in the area of personal friendships. This doesn't mean to do away with the friendships you already have and replace them. You're just looking to add to it. Look at different groups of people you can be apart of. Preferably made up of people you relate to. The object is to not go looking for a husband. I've known many girls who have been in certain groups, or have attended certain colleges to find their husband. What is it that Christian Colleges sometimes say? "Ring before Spring or your money back."

Just focus on your walk with the Lord, and growing as a person, but while you're doing that don't stop developing new friendships. Then one day you'll meet a guy who will be digging on you like crazy. He'll see you as much more than "cool Efe." He'll see you as "ridiculously good looking, girl of his dreams Efe."

Please send your questions and comments to josh@acsconveyor.com