Why have most of the guys I've liked not wanted to be my friend because I liked them, even though I told them I'm happy just being their friend?

Jennica
Santa Barbara, CA

First rule is to never let a guy know you like them. It doesn't really ever help anything out. First off, even if the guy likes you, he'll want to eventually pursue you. Guys like conquest, and they enjoy a challenge. That's why most guys love playing video games, even though almost every girl has no idea why they do. It's also the same reason why guys will make stupid bets or do something stupid for money. For you to tell a guy you like him (or someone else tells him indirectly for you) would be like if you tied a deer up and told the hunter where to find it. Again guys might need a little nudge in the right direction every now and again, but for the most part, if a guy isn't confident enough to let you know how he feels, then he's too immature or weak to date you.

Second rule is to not verbalize it audibly, especially to another person. If you talk about it and think about it, it works it's way into your subconscious and effects the way you talk and act. It says all throughout the Bible that there is great power in your words. Let me give you an example. In my past there have been a few girls that I have being very attracted to. I would talk about it all the time and I would think about it nonstop. Finally when I would get a chance to hangout with that person, keeping normal conversation and hanging out as friends was about as hard as escaping from Alcatraz.

Also, since you are a girl, you have a desk rather than a file cabinet. Girls have everything out on the table, whereas guys can keep things in different files and can put them in the file cabinet at anytime. This explains why not only are women good at doing a hundred things at the same time, but they also can't put stuff out of their mind very easily.

I know it's tough, but when you like a guy, tell yourself they are a good friend and that you don't want anything more right now. Verbalize this every chance you get and mention it in conversation when you talk to your friends. You in turn will start to believe it, and whenever you get around the person, you'll have no problem hanging out and the guy will thank you because he'll feel comfortable around you.

The line between friendship and relationship is delicate. Once it is crossed, it is tough to cross back. It is better just to stay in the friendship area, and let the guy carry you over that threshold into the relationship area. If a guy knows you like them, and they don't like you the same way, they'll either tread lightly so as not to give you the wrong idea, or they'll scrap the whole friendship because it's too uncomfortable for them to be around you. Neither of these two results are good for a strong friendship. If you tell him you like him and he likes you too, it won't change anything, but he will probably think less of you because you didn't allow him to be the initiator.

Since it's my firm belief that the best relationships are found through friendship, forget the relationship end of things and rather focus on making good friends and being a good friend. You'll increase your amount of friends as well as your odds of catching a guy's eye.

Please send your questions and comments to josh@acsconveyor.com