What are your views on dating?

Meagan
Kernersville, NC

I guess I should start with the disclaimer that I was one of the many who read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris and although some people don't feel it was worth the paper it was written on, I think it had a lot of good points. I think I've been on 2 official dates and 2 blind dates, unless you count the dates I've been on with my mom (which I highly recommend). She taught me some good ways to be a gentleman so later on in life I could charm the ladies.

As far as actually going out on a date, I don't think it is needed until the college phase of life, and even then, I've found group outings are more effective until you are actually seeking to marry a girl. As far as dating relationships, I never had any really serious or quality dating relationships growing up, and that may be the reason I view dating the way I do.

In the 6th grade I was the trusty sidekick to the most popular guy in our year. That would place me 2nd in the popularity area, which got me dating rights to a lot of the babes at our Middle School. We would meet in planned locations at specific times and we would kiss and hug or whatever, and then we would go to our next class. I wasn't exactly on the fast track to developing any quality relationships with these girls. Then after the 6th grade, the next time I dated was my Sophomore year in college. It lasted a month and a half and all we ever did was makeout. We weren't even friends. Making out was just an excuse not to have the uncomfortable silence while we thought of what to talk about.

I think the mentality of having to 'date around' to see who is right for you is bogus. I think a lot of believers today are buying into the mentality that marriage is all about being in love and your feelings and all of that. It's not that I don't believe in love or even that it's not a very important part of a relationship because it is, but I don't believe it's the most important part. Love is the house but commitment is the foundation. You can love the heck out of the person you're with, but if there is a weak foundation, that relationship will last about as long as Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's relationship did. Then you have these people in foreign countries who meet each other the day they get married because their marriage was already arranged beforehand, and they spend the rest of their lives with each other completely in love. Don't get me wrong. I am very excited about having the ability to choose my wife, but it comes down to if you are telling the truth when you say "for better or for worse..." on your wedding day.

I didn't date in Highschool for a few different reasons:

1) There weren't very many girls I was attracted to.
2) The girls that I was attracted to were either dating someone, or didn't like me.
3) It didn't logically make sense to date.

If I saw dating as a means of getting married (and I wasn't in the ball park of being ready to be a husband) then it didn't make any sense to date. I looked at the amount of people who marry their High School Sweethearts (which is slim) and I didn't feel it was worth shutting myself off from a lot of other great friendships with girls that I could have had, by being in an exclusive relationship (which is exactly what I would have done if I had placed my affections on a girl) that didn't have a good chance of working out long term anyway. I'm one of those guys that will make either a great husband or a horrible boyfriend. I've had a few instances that have given evidence to this. I would start talking about marriage and spending the rest of my life with that person and it was surprising to see how fast they could run away. Some guys have the commitment problem, but I guess I had the over commitment problem.

That being said, I think a girl's part in all of this is getting ready to be the teammate her future husband is going to need. The guy's part is to stop worrying about finding a wife and focus on what God has called him to do. Then one day he'll meet a girl that will become one of his best friends, and the only reason he asks her to be his wife is an excuse to never have to leave her again.

Please send your questions and comments to josh@acsconveyor.com