Well, I got back from class about half an hour ago, and I'm just sititng down to have some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while I listen to Ben Folds Five. My time here in Gainesville is drawing to an abrupt end and I can't help but feeling like I was cheated out of the remainder of my time here.

I leave Gainesville in a week and I'll be so busy with making last minute plans to leave, that I will barely have enough time to spend some time with my friends before I go. Why do I have to leave? God closed all the doors. Not getting the job at Cracker Barrel is another dead end and I've just about run out of options. I know God has a plan, but how did my screwing things up at my job factor into that. It was my fault that I lost my job thus causing me to have to leave earlier than I had planned. I feel like the guy who kills himself in a drunk driving accident and not only screws himself but the people he leaves behind (or at least the people who care that he left prematurely).

A ten hour drive is not as final as death, but I can't help feeling like when I finally do get a chance to come back, no one will be here anymore. Like a man who leaves his home only to come back to find a cold and abandoned building in its place. Starting in a new place has a way of softening the hurt that is caused by leaving the old one, but there is still that feeling of loss that is left in place of former contentment.

My brother is moving to Atlanta and my oldest brother and younger sister will remain in Orlando. The time growing up when we all lived in the same home is long past. Time only seems to further the distance that I put between them and me.

When I get in my car and leave this place, everything will change. That comfort of knowing that things will remain the way I left them won't be there anymore. Someone else will move into my room and sleep in my bed. Someone else will occupy my seat at school and others will work the positions I used to work. It'll almost be like I was never here. There will be one less car in Gainesville, and one less person walking around.

Well, it's not time to leave just yet, so I'll hold off on saying my goodbyes.