I read about the "hot and cute girls" in your blog and a situation arose that dealt with this subject. So here it goes, A young man is dating a "cute" girl who he is absolutely in love with. Yet he goes out with his buddies to a strip club to pay for a lap dance with a "hot" girl. So tell me, do guys want the sweetness of the "cute" girl or the looks and looseness of the "hot" girl?

Anonymous

I'm so sorry that happened. What you saw was a side of guys that we don't talk about very much. There's two things you have to understand. First, inside of every Believer, there is a sin nature and a Spirit nature. It talks about this in Galatians 6:17-18 if you want read about it. They are constantly fighting against each other. If the guy you are talking about was a believer, then his flesh desire won out over the Spirit. If he isn't a believer than all he had was a flesh desire and the battle was already lost before it started.

Second, you have to realize how guys are wired. We are very physically driven. That is what stimulates us. There is a song by Rufus Wainwright called Instant Pleasure, and it is probably the most blunt song about how the flesh just desires instant gratification. There is a huge temptation for guys to just enjoy the physical side of a relationship without any strings attached. That's what accounts for all of the single mothers today. I'm not above this either. I've been tempted to kiss with girls even though I knew I didn't want a relationship with them. I'd like to say that I'm perfect, but all guys struggle with gratifying our physical desire without giving commitment along with the package.

Relationships take a lot of work, and they will far surpass the short term pleasure of gratifying oneself. Longterm gratification is when you selflessly do what is best for the other person, and they in turn selflessly give themselves back to you. Guys who just hop around from one girl to the next, will never know the deep satisfaction of knowing one girl intimately for the rest of his life, and he will never experience it either, because he is unwilling to put in the work and committment that a relationship takes to build. He is too selfish to put a girl above his lust. "Hot" girls may turn more eyes, but they will always just be seen as an object. A means to an end so to speak. He doesn't care for her. He just wants to please himself.

Deep down every guy wants the "cute" girl, but few guys are willing to do what it takes to get her and keep her. Your friend sounds like a sweet girl, and she didn't deserve the insult this guy paid her by what he did. Make sure your friend knows that it was no fault of hers. The fault was all his. Make sure she keeps her standard high and even though she won't turn more eyes, she'll turn the right set of eyes.