I have always believed in free will.

I'm sure that it's not God's will for me to lead a spiritually lazy life, so I must believe that this has been my own choice. My heart is clumsy and difficult. It has trouble focusing on the right things and it is easily satisfied on cheap fancies. God gave me the keys to abuse his grace. He gave me the ability to take the gift of grace and ravage it, misuse it, and take advantage of it. The price that bought grace was very high indeed. It was paid so that people like me could wear grace to hide what lies beneath. My crude interior is enough to make any person lose their lunch.

My life is the main reason I believe the well of grace has no end, because if it did, I would have exhausted it by now. There is virtue in knowing yourself. It reminds you of what you have been saved from. The grace that saved me 16 years ago is the very same grace that continues to save me daily.

Sometimes I would just like to do things on my own. Like Peter, I feel bad having Jesus wash my dirty feet. I don't want the son of man to have to dirty his hands on my account. Jesus tells me that unless he washes my feet, I have no part with him. So don't just wash my feet Jesus. Wash my whole body as well. I know this isn't needed, but it would offer a small consolation to my nagging conscience.