What do you say when someone asks you what is new in your life?

Several people asked me a similar question and I can't say that I perfected it by the time I had finished piecing together my last answer to the question. What's new? What's going on in my life? I was at a loss and the more I talked about my life, the more dull and bland it seemed to me. I think I've had times in my life where things were just clicking. Everything was going well, and I was really enjoying life. It was mainly a result of my relationship with God.

It's just been a really long time since I've experienced God like that. God works in my life in many different ways, and I see his hand in a lot of different things. My heart just isn't in it half the time. Here and there, I can see glimpses of my heart loving, I can see it have joy, or be full of peace. Then for the remainder of my life, it stays silent... lifeless... asleep.

Things that I have been doing seem pointless and I'm looking for direction. God showed me something tonight. He showed me that I am very much in need of his guidance. I've got questions. Lots of them. Lately, it's been concerning where God wants me and what he has for me.

These are the questions that I have to ask an intangible God and I'll have to discern his answer through indirect means rather than the much-preferred writing on the wall method. I have heard a few sermons on discerning God's will, and I just don't feel much more confident in my ability to effectively do it. Sure I can make a list of steps to take but when it comes down to it, I need faith. I need to ask God what I should do, knowing that he has the answers and he has the means in which to carry them out in my life. He's just waiting for me to say the word.

The difficult thing is that more times than not, I have my eyes fixed only on what I can physically see, taste, and touch. I can't seem to break away from the reassurance of the tangible, and move my attention to the opposite. "For we fix our eyes on what is unseen for what is seen is temporary, and what is unseen is eternal."

There's nothing to gain in most of the things I spend my time and heart on right now. Like Hugh Grant's character in About a Boy, I feel like I'm rather blank at times. I don't mind that I don't have it all together. I don't mind that I have no idea where exactly I'm heading. It's the uncertainty in life that calls out my hiding trust. God has a way of making things this way so that it loosens the resolve of my stubborn and unwilling heart and helps me to do things uncharacteristic of my humanity.

With uncertainty, with nervous trembling, I stay rooted with my feet in the soil unwilling to let go of my false securities. I�m not looking for advice. I'm not looking for answers. I'm only looking for the strength to carry out what my human will can't. I'm looking for something outside of myself to carry my weary and beaten body out of the prison it's been locked up in for so long.