Some tasks can be accomplished by digging in your heels and working harder. Some can't.

I find that even though I work hard, I still can't seem to be mistake free. I'm a hard worker, and I'm diligent, and I stick with things, but in some areas I just don't learn very fast. My brother told me something tonight which probably hurt to hear, and hurt a little bit more to say, but I'm glad that he did. One of the managers told Chasity "I thought you said he was good." I believe she responded with something like, "I said he was a good person, I didn't say he was a good server."

A lot of servers have been talking about how the new hiring class sucks, and I don't blame them. If I were them, I would be tempted to say the same thing. A few of us aren't the brightest and I've had my own share of screw-ups. Sometimes it's because they didn't explain how to do something. A lot of times it's my own fault. When Jason confirmed my fears of what various people have sized me up to, I didn't respond the way I thought I would have. Instead of being sad, or angry at myself, I just wanted to prove them wrong.

I am determined to change their view of who I am. It's still relatively early, but I'm faced with the fear that if I don't start making large strides of improvement soon, I will be defined as a sub-par server and the road to changing that view of me will be rather difficult. I am encouraged by the fact that I can relate to people well. If I screw up here and there, I'm cheered by the fact that tonight, each table tipped me about 35%.

My situation isn't really that bad the way I see it. I view myself as the underdog. Against all the odds, I have the opportunity to silence my critics and surpise the people who talk about me. I think deep down, they want me to prove them wrong.

I hope that I can do it. I hope that I don't screw it up.