This was a previous post of my brother's and was sent to me by e-mail today. I almost soiled myself while reading it:


As I've explained on numerous occasions Josh and I are Tetris nerds.

However, I don't believe I've ever given concrete evidence to back up this assertion except for the admission that we do talk trash while playing. Well, if any doubt remained, even one measly shred, here's an exhaustive list of the jargon we use while playing the game and explanations of their various meanings (if any sensible explanation exists).

You will need to keep in mind that we only play 8-bit Nintendo Tetris and we only play type-B, which involves trying to complete a quota of 25 lines while beginning each level with a certain degree of jumbled wreckage already cluttering the screen. We only play height-5 on each level, which happens to be the maximum amount of initial wreckage allowed, because anything else would be a sign of weakness and Heights 1 through 4 exist solely for neophytes.

(1) Running the Gauntlet -- playing Level-9/Height-5 through Level-15/Height-5. However, you can only proceed to Level-10/Height-5 once you've beaten Level-9 and so on and so forth. This is usually a collaborative effort where Josh and I alternate after each loss or successful completion of a level.
(2) Googie -- a single gap (missing block) in the horizontal line that prevents successful completion of the line.
(3) On the Fast Track to Googieville -- one player gets a succession of googies, usually bringing about a faster demise (also: Building the Gugghenheim Museum).
(4) Death Knell -- one player makes such an egregious mistake during a game that player and onlooker know the game in progress is already over and not worth playing to its inevitable conclusion.
(5) Gilligan -- player loses before completing a single line of the 25-line quota.
(6) Skipper -- onlooker feels compassion for player who received the Gilligan and allows another turn. Common courtesy dictates that the Gilligan-offender receiving a Skipper must respond with a salute and either an "Aye, Aye Skipper" or "I'll make you proud, Cap'n."
(7) Buzz Saw -- player is doing quite well, breaking down the wreckage and chipping away at the quota, but suddenly makes a grotesque error which causes a chain of equally grotesque errors. (A Buzz Saw can end a game in less than two whole seconds from the initial mistake.)
(8) Split-Level Fish Monger -- player successfully completes two lines with the placement of a piece, however these two lines are divided by a non-completed line.
(9) Breaking it Wide Open -- player makes a brilliant move which eradicates a particularly jumbled portion of wreckage revealing a wide open space below.
(10) Popping the Chute -- player has filled up the screen with a structure leaving a single horizontal column open. When player receives a straight line and inserts it into aforementioned gap, receiving a Tetris, he is said to have popped the chute.
(11) Hitting Rock Bottom -- player has cleared away a sufficient amount of wreckage, allowing for a falling piece to make its way clear to the bottom of the playing screen.
(12) Spent -- a player can describe himself as spent once he's been playing for a long time and begins to make careless errors as a result of his Tetris fatigue.
(13) Coming in Cold -- a player who enters late in the gauntlet and does poorly because he hasn't had a chance to warm up on some of the lower levels.
(14) Bearing the Load -- one player is responsible for beating the majority of the levels during a given gauntlet. (Until the gauntlet has been successfully run both players will argue over who is going to end up bearing the load when all is said and done.)
(15) Catching a Cold Wave of Pieces -- pretty self-explanatory, getting a succession of pieces that don't fit neatly into the structure you've built (also provides a good excuse if one player happens to be doing poorly and needs a scapegoat).
(16) Stymied -- player has been waiting patiently to pop the chute but no straight line ever appears and impending doom catches up with him.
(17) Consolidation Tactics -- player has built the structure all the way up to the top of the playing screen but continues to try and pack pieces in, ignoring the death knell which is sounding clearly in the ears of both player and onlooker.
(18) Courtesy Tactics -- one player has just beaten Level-15/Height-5, thus completing the gauntlet, and must allow the helpless onlooker several uninterrupted turns to beat the level himself and salvage his pride.
(19) Desperation Tactics -- player is about lose but begins scrambling to complete lines thinking he can pull out his tail-spin at the last second. This differs from Consolidation Tactics in the sense that the player has actually deluded himself into thinking he has a remote chance at redemption.
(20) Off-Night -- a player who has had sufficient warm-up time continues to play poorly for the duration of the gauntlet, thus failing to bear the load or gain upper-hand in trash talk (read: cheap cop-out).
(21) Drills -- one player tries to complete as much of the gauntlet as he can in a given time frame (5 and 10-minute drills are most common). Side note: we no longer play drills because whoever was having an off-night would inevitably become annoyed and irritable.

Josh and I have some of our best non-bunkbed chats while playing Tetris so the whole business isn't a complete waste. We're also developing valuable hand-eye coordination that will help us later in life when we're in the nursing home together arguing over who is the better Tetris player.