i'm making my way back to real life. So much of life lately has felt like nothing.

Whatever it is I'm doing whether it be work, school or anything else I have found that I just think all the time and barely notice the surroundings around me. When asked how my week was, or how my day was, I can barely come up with an answer. Of course there is the usual reply of "good" but honestly I really can't think of how my day or week was. I just think of the ordinary, mundane routine that I've been living in for so long. Maybe it's because I think too much, but there is another possibility. The possibility that I have taken Christ completely out of my daily life which has caused me to have no purpose, no dynamics and ultimately no motivation. It is true that I haven't been falling to temptations that I am usually accustomed to giving into. The main reason being that I haven't even been tempted. This gave me the false impression that I was doing alright spiritually when the reality was I have been completely useless for the kingdom of God, and haven't even been worth tempting. Usually I'd count it a blessing not to have to deal with the constant struggle with temptation, but now I have come to fear the lack of it.

Lately, I've been having a great time at work. I'm loving school and I'm doing well in my classes... sort of. I'm enjoying time with friends, and I am being reminded of what it's like to spend time with the Lord. God is daily restoring my joy, as I learn and relearn the things that I can live in certainty of. God's grace, His mercy, His love; all loaded words that I don't believe I will ever fully understand as long as I'm living.