Dear future self,

I hope this letter finds you well and that you have found what you were looking for.  Happiness?  Fulfillment?  Purpose? Are you truly happy? Did you end up going onto the mission field to help with your own hands?  Or did you become a successful entrepreneur that gives so that the less fortunate can be provided for?  Maybe both???

How is Jenni doing?  I really hope she's happy with how her life ended up. I feel like I'm holding her back from fulfilling her dreams. Was that the case or did all of my failures pay off down the road?  Knowing what she knows now, is she proud to call me her husband?   I know she wants to do missions work someday and I hope she got to do it with you. I hope she knew true happiness and joy in the pursuit of living out her life's passion.  

I know you already know how you used to feel but do you really remember how frustrating it was to live out the meaningless repetition from day to day?  Do you recall the nagging feeling that you are stumbling through a dark room waiting for your eyes to adjust but they never do. Did you ever feel like you found your purpose or are you still trying to find it like I am?  I hope you found what you were looking for... what I am currently looking for. 

If you could give me some advice from your perspective, what would you say to me?  I wish you could write back. I wish you could tell me that I ended up making a difference. That God was pleased with the way I spent my life. I'm not afraid of the future... maybe just afraid of what I end up doing with it.  If I was completely honest with myself, it isn't failure that I fear... No... If anything, I've become accustomed to failure and would say I'm rather good at it.  My only real fear is that my life will be spent on useless failures that never equated to any success afterwards.  

Do you recall what your definition of success used to be?  I hope you figured out that at the end of the day, true success was how closely you resembled Christ to the world around you. I'm still trying to figure that whole thing out, but maybe you eventually learned how to be that to the people God placed in your life.  I sure hope you have some good news for me because I could really use some.  Or at the very least, I just want a glimpse of my future life to make sure I'm not wasting my time trying to do something great.

Sincerely,

Me