This is an e-mail I wrote to a friend. I found it arbitrary to write it out again, and frankly I just don't have the time.


Hey (anonymus person that is my friend),

Work went well. I got a $20 tip off one table, and I got $2 from some other chick who bought two beers off me. $22 in tips was pretty good seeing as that I was making training pay the whole night. 8 times about $6, is about $48 and about $48 plus $22 is about $70. How about that!? It was rare for me to ever make that much at Cracker Barrel, and if I did, I had to work my butt off to earn it. Now, I just chill with people and talk with them.

I talked to two hot girls who were getting bugged by some drunk guy who couldn't stop talking about Gator football. I got to know one of my table's really well. One of the guys' names is Brian, and he is very particular about what he wants, but he's a good tipper (hence the $20 tip). My brother came in with Anthony and I got to talk to them for awhile and help myself to some of their Captain Jacks. I saw two people from work. Two guys I knew from Crusade. Three good friends of mine that I haven't seen in awhile. I'm probably leaving out a few, but all this to say, I see tons of people I know and it makes work so much more interesting.

The server I was following, with a little help from me, made about $150. On a Thursday night mind you. I'd like to think it had a little to do with me.

That's about all there is to say about my first serving shift at Ale House. This weekend is going to be REALLY crazy with work and school and other things, so if you think about it, pray for me. If you see the others tell them I said what's up. I will probably be non-existent to the world of social interaction, so just know that I am not dead... I'm just working.

your friend,

Crazy Josh


For your information (notice I didn't put FYI because I think it's gay), I made a few changes on this e-mail, so if you are one of those people who flips out when things aren't quoted correctly, well then you can just get a job, because I'm not going to pay you anything for flipping out.

Crapfully yours,

Josh Killingsworth

post script (notice I didn't put p.s. beccause I think it's gay): This is kind of like a letter after a letter. Also, notice that I put a similar statement to the FYI thing. Kind of crazy, huh? Notice how I could do this forever and notice how it would cease to be funny right around now and notice how I am not going to do it again because it wouldn't be funny and notice how good I am at being witty and not repeating things that wouldn't be funny, and notice how many times I've said the word "notice."

If you think that I sound drunk, that's what I was going for. I think drunk people are funny and it's a good thing since I'm going to be around them so much at Ale House. We sometimes have to cut people off when they are too drunk, and I'm going to have to cut myself off from writing this entry. Not necessarily because I'm too drunk, but because I sound too drunk. I am a firm believer in the fact that conciously sounding drunk and acting drunk is a whole lot more fun than actually being drunk and just sounding and acting that way because you are in-fact drunk. Mostly because if you are not actually drunk but are just acting like it, you can stop acting like an idiot at anytime, and you don't usually get sick and throw up. It is a shame that more people don't know about this, because people would quit drinking alcohol altogether. Instead of being addicted to alcohol, they would be addicted to having fun (I'm aware this sounds homo, and therefore sounds really funny).

Now how do you end a string of funny and non-substantive writing? I think one of the tried and true methods for this is to end it with a funny and non-substantive quote (usually from a movie that usually in turn has to be of the funny and non-substantive kind). Well here it is. A quote from my favorite person:

"What are we doing here Harry? We gotta get out of here."

Yes that's right. Josh's favorite person = Lloyd Christmas.

I'm retarded.