I had a good conversation with Chris last night.

We sat out on the porch and chatted as we smoked. Chris had realized that the only way accountability would benefit us, was if it was with someone who we weren't comfortable expressing our failures to. Chris said something true that I dismissed as a good idea, but then I started thinking about it. I can express my failures to almost anyone, but something changes with my dad. There is something at the core of who I am, that thirsts for my dad's approval. That he would be proud of me. A person who would be dissapointed in me when I screw up, but would still love me. It's about the closest thing I have to a heavenly father, except my dad is someone who God has put in my life to be a human example of my heavenly father. Someone who I can see, hear and touch.

My dad is by no means perfect. He shares a lot of the same weaknesses I have. A lot of the same strengths. He has a big heart and can't watch movies with sad endings. He's a hopeless romantic and pummels you with hugs and kisses everytime you get near him. He has small catch phrases that he constantly uses such as "would I do a thing like that" when we suspect him of doing something that he probably did, or "I'll give you three hours to quit that" when we start giving him back massages. He is a sucker for buffalo wings and we sneak out to fast food restaurants, and throw our trash away in someone else's trash can so my mom won't find it. I've rarely seen him mad, and when he is angry he'll usually say he doesn't care, or it doesn't matter to him, although me can see his deep concern beneath the surface. He is a man of deep wisdom and the only thing he holds more important to our family is his relationship with the Lord. He makes me want to be man of God.

He makes me want to be like him.