I don't understand what made me cry today.

I was working on my car's sound system and was getting my car seats wet with the sweat that was dripping from my face. After I had taken off my shirt I balled it up and used it to dry my face. By the end of my attempts to get things working I finished dirty, sweaty, and a little frustrated. I took a shower and then our project met and went through some of the plans for next week. Everything was going smooth until I started making plans for one of the other teams.

As a leader I've been learning the lesson of delegating. I have had a tough time with this and I continue to overstep my bounds and try to do everything myself. Today was the second instance when I screwed this up. Two of the girls who were already frustrated with other people trying to do their job, got upset with me, and told me that my job was to delegate and not to do it for them. I got defensive and came up with an excuse and after I had already failed at my chance to admit my fault, I sat silent the rest of the meeting and since I was supposed to be leading the meeting people easily saw my disposition.

I sat and stared at my paper where I had been writing down the next weeks schedule and with my pen poised acting like I was going to write, I was holding back tears. Unable to speak I just sat there while everyone saw right through me. Embarrassed by the way I had acted, embarrassed by my show of emotion, and feeling like a failure, I sat and waited for the meeting to get over. As soon as I got the chance I went in my room and closed the door.

Tired of holding back my tears I buried my head in my pillow and got it soaking wet.

I hate my inability to see the details. The small things that piss people off and I have no clue that I'm doing it. Of course it's not the end of the world and if you think I'm being too hard on myself, I'm really not. I'm just trying to make sense of my feelings and am not doing a very good job at it. I don't know why I cried.

Maybe it's just that time of month.