I am conflicted. Do I talk with the girl who looks like a model, or the girl who isn't by the world's standards "good looking."

Today was the first official day of the Orlando Project I'm going to be involved in this summer. I am one out of 10 college students who are going to be building into other Highschool students' lives. This project will last 2 months and our project team will be spending the full two months together.

Last night was the first time the ten of us met. I have been praying that God would help me to not just size the girls up when I first met them. That I wouldn't just be thinking about which girl I could work on hooking up with. Man, that girl is pretty. I wonder if she has a boyfriend. Wait, what am I thinking? Stop thinking like that. As I stand or take my seat, often times I conveniently find myself next to or across from the good-looking girl. Then sometimes when I am talking to girls that don't look as good, I am thinking about how I would rather be talking to a better looking girl. I am a freaking jerk.

After I share what goes through my mind, I instantly want to assure myself that I'm not that bad. Reasure myself that there are a lot of guys worse than me, but it doesn't replace the truth that beneath the respectful, courteous face that I wear, there is something much uglier underneath. Why was I made like this? Why was I made to naturally treat girls like crap. Like property.

I'm so glad that God loves me regardless of my shallow, thoughtless tendencies. Why does a girl's looks, or her weight, have ANYTHING to do with what I ultimately think about her!? My eyes are a curse.

I think Oedipus had the right idea when he gouged out his.