I just came to a pretty funny realization.

When I write in my blog, I feel like I'm writing to others as I would be in an e-mail. When I press the "Post and Publish" button after I've finished writing, I feel like I just pressed "send." I continuely feel the urge to check my blog and see if anyone has written to me. The only unfortunate thing is that it's a freaking blog... not an e-mail account.

Today was a little disappointing. I wanted to get up at 11:00 and plan a trip to Lake Wauberg. I ended up waking up at 1:00 and had to work at 3:00. I decided that it would suck to just sit around and do nothing, so I decided to just go to Lake Wauberg anyways. Well, I was met with a meager crowd of about 10-15 people. Most of whom, I didn't really know. I don't know what I expected to find. Maybe I envisioned crowds of people waiting at the entrance of Lake Wauberg. Right when my grey '83 Honda Accord would come into sight, the multitudes would burst into loud cheers. My car would come to a halt and two people would open my car door and hoist me up on their shoulders and carry me down to the place where everyone would be having an extremely fun time, whether it be swimming, playing volleyball, or just laying out. This is probably a little exaggerated, but I was still disappointed. I played a couple of games of volleyball, and knowlingly let myself be sun burned since it had been so long since I had had a sun burn, I thought it wouldn't hurt to get into the summer spirit by turning the color of my shoulders to a reddish purplish color.

I went to work and found that I was in considerably good spirits. Maybe this was based on the thought that I was going to do something fun afterwards, but unfortunately everyone in Gainesville had either already gone out, or didn't want to. I would look forward to church tomorrow, but most of my close friends don't go there anymore. Either they chose another church, or just don't go anymore. For the first time in a while, I feel like I don't really fit in well with any particular group. I don't know what caused this feeling, but I just feel like I'm usually inviting myself where I'm not wanted. I find that people will give me the occasional "hello" just to make themselves feel like they aren't ignoring me. Sometimes I try to hold off calling people just to see if they call me, but I usually wait a few days and then give in and call them and get their answering machine. I find that I can't wait for the summer to get here. For the chance to get out of Gainesville and go back home. For the chance to meet new people on the Orlando Project and feel like I belong whether it's just for a couple of months. I also am excited about working a lot and hopefully being able to breath some fresh air financially.

Although some things right now in life are disappointing, I still am unable to become sad. I find that God constantly blesses me through small things here and there. It's true that life sometimes sucks. I just don't think that I constantly need to follow suit.